Musings

DATE

June 19, 2017

The time has come
To forget the boundaries of age.
The time has come
To accept living against the norm.
The time has come
To live life my way – once again.
The time has come
To open my heart to youth.

June 12, 2017

Only 4 people voted on their favorite Game of Thrones female character. Seriously? I thought there were more people into GoT. Perhaps, like a lot of things, I was misguided in this perception. I figured Daenerys would garner a TON of male votes – but as of today she has 0.

Not surprising is my identification with Melisandre. She is my Archetype. I think very few fans love her, let alone even LIKE her as she’s clearly seen as a villian of sorts. Actually, deep down I like that. She is a world unto herself and follows her path alone – knowing that is her destiny. Her legacy. She’s seen the folly and disaster that comes from relying too much on others.

Although Melisandre only has one chapter devoted to her in the Ice and Fire saga (and very little mention outside of that), I can’t help but be curious about where the series will take her; and anxiously hope she regains her strength of purpose and point of power.

June 8, 2017

‘Kayso, there’s this guy who hangs around The Quarter Note like ALL THE TIME who’s turned into a Creepy Stalker scumsuck. He’s not one of “the Rock community” I hang with – rather is part of the scuzzy blues whatever – and thinks he’s all that.

WHY HE’S A FUCKSOCK:  Puts down other musicians (which I detest), flabby/dumpy, dresses for shit (always wears this greasy-looking ballcap – which you KNOW hides the fact HE’S TOTALLY BALD ON TOP), no social graces, narcissistic (constantly trying to get me to come see his stupid little band so I can see him play his stupid little guitar*), sleazy facial hair, throat wattle, always standing around staring at me (I mean, a hard-stare that’s screams “STALKER!”), beady little rat eyes, gets visibly pissed-off because I’m ignoring his creepy old flabby ass…ad nauseum. Did I mention the THROAT WATTLE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

REDEEMING QUALITIES:  Cat-owner (WAIT. I don’t even give a shit about that.) NONE

If you see this Creep, feel free to beat the shit out of him, ‘kay?

*I never go to any blues/R&B shows so why the fuck would I want to listen to music that not only puts me to sleep but that I totally H-A-T-E? (Answer:  It’s rhetorical) He’s a lameass idiotic-imbecilic-moronic Fucksock! (Maybe I should beat the shit out of him – or at least rip-off his Wattle…)

May 9, 2017

TAROT Spread
Zombie Tarot Deck

I’m using 5-card spreads for Yes/No questions. Although I won’t divulge the question, the cards dealt provided details.

Moon (reversed)
(Especially in reverse, The Moon indicates that things may seem somewhat confusing to you now and/or to those close to you. It’s important to “sit” with the uncertainty; don’t try to force things or people to do things before they are ready.) Can point to a highly emotional and/or uncomfortable time in love relationships. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t ignore your intuition, however.
9 of Cups (reversed)
(Whether reversed or upright, the 9 of Cups is one of the most uplifting and pleasant cards to receive in a reading. Known often as the “wish card” it can mean that what you are hoping for or dreaming about most is very likely to be yours. The reversal says that the wishes for you will go even deeper; these are not superficial wishes that are at play now. That’s a good thing.) This is a very good omen for your love life. Existing relationships are likely to deepen, become sweeter and more meaningful, at very deep levels.
Knight of Pentacles
With regard to love, this card points to the responsibility and duty that is part of any love relationship. If you are looking for love when you draw this card, it’s a clear signal that you need to vary your routine and try new things if you want to meet someone.
Judgement
(Judgment can be a card about jumping to conclusions, decisions, and judgments which are too hastily made. If you are prone to such things, this is a clear signal to slow down and give things more thought and to give people “more chances.”) This is a time to get very, very clear about what you want out of life and out of your relationships, and then take steps to make it come about.
Strength
(Strength indicates the importance of mind over matter, and reminds you to focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want in your life.) Love should be going very well – if you’re committed, this is very likely to be a strong relationship that is mutually supportive and beneficial. If you’re looking for someone, this is a much better-than-average time to meet people. You should be in a self-confident phase, so get out and mingle. You might be very pleasantly surprised by how things work out.

April 30, 2017

TAROT Spread
Joseph Vargo’s Gothic Tarot Deck

Card #1: What I THINK I’m leaving behind – 10 of Swords (reversed)
(10 of Swords reversed represents endings and loss; backstabbing & lack of support.) The Seeker might be feeling there is no end in sight, BUT it may also mean the worst has already happened.
Card #2: What I’m REALLY leaving behind – The Devil (reversed)
Because the #2 card in this spread can refer to one’s mindset (as opposed to a person or situation) The Devil reversed implies the Seeker wants to change their life.

These cards represent 3 choices ahead of me (or courses of action) – outcome dependent upon which I choose:
Card #3: 2 of Pentacles
Some sort of choice is under consideration that will affect the long-term financial picture. Also, things may not be what they appear to be.
Card #4: King of Pentacles (reversed)
The King of Pentacles card reversed warns that important items are being ignored.
Card #5: Page of Wands*
(Page of Wands represents a dark young man.) Shows a bright future of new adventures and creative expression after the current trials pass on.
However, when the Devil is paired with the Page of Wands there may be illusions clouding the picture. YIKES!

*In this deck Pages are called Knaves.

April 22, 2017

Here’s the scenario:  You’re out with a friend of yours when he casually mentions so-and-so (the particulars being a gal who’s part of our local rock scene). Happens a couple of times – the last time “hinting” that he knows where she lives

…just when you thought that topic was dead and buried.

April 20, 2017

Ever feel like everyone around you is reading from one script, but you’ve got a different one in front of you? Like the words and sentences are ALMOST the same, but the frames of reference are different…

I am forcing myself to deal with these situations – to confront the weirdness – when all I really want is for everyone to leave me the fuck alone.

March 24, 2017

I’ve developed an allergic reaction to one of my leave-in hair products. Since the rash is only on the very sides of my face, I’ve concluded it’s from sleeping on my hair (allergic contact dermatitis). So I tie my hair back before bed. Also using organic, unrefined/unprocessed coconut oil and non-soap cleanser on my skin; drinking lots of water (peeing constantly); and sipping an apple cider vinegar/agave/water “tea”* twice a day to help balance my body’s ph. A daily antihistamine quells the itch and good ol’ ibuprofen reduces the redness, somewhat.

The rash has finally stabilized and the tiny red blisters are drying-up and crusting over (yuck). Face feels tight where the “scabbing” is, but is a little softer today than yesterday. Progress. Lesson learned is that my skin is thinner and drier than it used to be. I will need to keep this in mind from now on.

I just wish it would go away. I’m self-conscious and VERY depressed – I’m sure this emotional stress doesn’t help the healing process…I know this won’t last forever, but that positivity somehow evaporates during the course of each day. I just want to hide in my room until it’s gone.

*This really tastes good:  Add 1-2 Tbls organic unprocessed apple cider vinegar (if you can see cloudy stuff in the bottom of the bottle – the “mother” – that’s the good kind) to 1 cup warm water and add organic agave to taste (you can substitute honey if you wish).

March 2, 2017

My daily Mantra

I WILL get the (administrative) job of my dreams working with intelligent, competent, and confident people at a great company (and within 30 minutes commute time from home).

November 13, 2016

No man is an island.
I am woman
I AM an island
Lush, vibrant, healthy
Uninhabitable.

Exclusive, odd, solitary
Sexual, intellectual
Predatory beauty
I am female
No man’s (is)land.

October 15, 2016

It’s been a helluva week

So, I’m driving home on Lawrence Expwy after seeing The Wicked Fools & ONOFF@ The Quarter Note…

Lotsa lights suddenly behind me – I mean LOTS (gone are the days of 1 horizontally-pulsing light fixture) – I’m being pulled over. As I sit in the left-hand turn lane waiting for light to change so we can do this on a quieter bit of road (and one that has a spot to pull-over into), my thoughts are:

   I'm doing the speed limit (50).
   I wasn't weaving.
   Why are they flashing lights at me?

So, I pull over, turn off car/lights, and open my door (apologizing to the officer that my window is broken, which it is). He pulled me over because one of my brake lights was out. (Why don’t car makers install something useful like alerting you that you have a brake light out!?!?) Of course, he starts the questions about drinking and where I’m headed – yada yada yada…normal shit. Oh, did I mention this cop looks really young.

I had 2 drinks ’bout a couple hours before. I ALWAYS have just 2 drinks (I know my limit). So he does the “follow my finger” thing. First time experiencing this and it gets boring after a few minutes (seemed liked HOURS), but I’m having no problems. Then he asks if I would take a breathalizer test. Said YES, of course.

So while he runs back to his car, cop #2 appears apparently to keep me company. This guy looks even younger and kinda dweeby. Said some nerdy things. Funny. But he said I looked nice and noticed I had my “dancing” shoes on. (WTF?) He also mentioned that someone “wrote” on my window*. (WTF?WTF?) We chatted until cop #1 re-appears at which time cop #2 disappears. Magic act.

So I do the breathalizer. Now I notice throughout this interaction, cop #1 never looks me straight in the eyes. Why is that? I don’t trust people who don’t look me in the eye. Hmmm… Anyway, I do fine (duh), he says he’s not going to write me a “fix it” ticket and I’m free to go. We exchange pleasantries and I drive home. Barneys!

You know what’s funny? All I could think about afterwards is how glad I was to have finally gotten my driver-side door fixed (couldn’t open it, inside door handle gone, a mess).

How embarrassing it would've been to see me climb over
the stick, get into the passenger seat, and have to 
talk to them on the OTHER side of my car.

Or maybe it would've given them something to talk 
about back at the station.  ;>

*When I got home, sure enough someone had written (?) “You Roll” on one of my windows. Happened @ The Quarter Note. I wonder who did it – and why???? One of life’s great mysteries.

October 1, 2016

As it may be obvious (to a few) who this entry is about, I have partially “coded” its contents.

I work with a NARCISSIST – and Psycho-bitch.

Psycho-bitches are scary – but fun to play with!

ɓ-ϋήʇ is stupid, FAT, and looks like a $5 youknowwhatinchurch (OK, 10 cents). Really. I would not lie. And ɓ-ϋήʇ sticks her nose so far up management’s youknowwhat, ɓ-ϋήʇ’Ϛ nose should be brown. But I haven’t taken a close look…and don’t want to.

These types of PERSONALITY DISORDERS are always portrayed as being smart and lethal in the movies. Only in ɓ-ϋήʇ’Ϛ dreams… This persons THINKS she’s “all that”, but falls short – VERY VERY VERY VERY SHORT – of the mark.

And while I understand ɓ-ϋήʇ’Ϛ behavior hides the deep-seated realization that she is so far beneath the rest of us she might as well cutheryouknowwhat and be done with it, I really wish ɓ-ϋήʇ’ɗ cutheryouknowwhat and be done with it…

I’m so over her horrendously unethical actions – which ɓ-ϋήʇ continually tries to blame on everyone else. I’m DONE working with this Psycho-bitch. I’m tired of this person LYING and TALKING SHIT behind my back (and everyone else’s). The problem is: I’m smarter, better looking, better at my job (heck, I actually WORK) – better EVERYTHING than she ever will be. This sticks in her craw (claw?) And I may only be “mom” to a cat, I understand she missed the mark on that one, as well. So that makes me a better Mom too.

I’ve learned you don’t want to take people like this for granted. One can’t just write-off their behavior as “childish” and ignore them – they are POISONOUS to be around and leave toxic work environments in their wake. You always must be on the lookout for the one incident that’ll unravel their flimsy facade. They’ll think they have fooled everyone around them (especially superiors) and that’s when they’ll make that fatal mistake. It’s up to you to catch it, preserve it, back-it up with real data (the truth), and serve it up on a platter (feeling joyous inside to have unveiled the GREAT LIE).

This has been an interesting ride for me. Amusing, skill-building, but sometimes very boring. The day I won’t see ɓ-ϋήʇ’s fat, lumpy ass waddling down the hallway can’t come soon enough.

10 Signs Your Co-Worker/Colleague is a Narcissist

July 27, 2016

Other people’s Agendas – little white lies…

People. They exert pressure – with their freely-given advice and incessant comments – their timetables, their agendas. Certain subjects produce an excess of opinions – opinions wrapped in a layer of superiority. Do they understand this – is that their goal?

It finally dawned on me: little white lies.

You know that saying “A little white lie never hurt anyone.”? Here’s the truth:

Every little white lie you tell is still a lie and it is still meant to mislead people.

July 13, 2016

douche, douchebag, douche bag
n. (slang) an arrogant, obnoxious, contemptible or despicable person; overzealous,
pompous, or vexatious asshole

Specifically, a “douchebag cop” * (apparently there are quite a lot of them).

So I’m driving home from work. I take my usual detour through a quiet residential area. Up ahead I see “whirling” lights but I can’t yet make out the vehicle. Taking a quick assessment (no road block and no ambulance that I can see) I think it’s probably one of those vehicles driven by city employees when they have to come out and deal with “tree issues” (you know, large limb falling on house/car). Anyway, that was my initial take.

Getting closer, I see it’s a firetruck. Again, whatever’s happening is on the other side of the street and there’s no indication that traffic is not being allowed through. But before proceeding, I take a quick glance at speedometer: 27mph. Just a smidge over the 25mph speed limit. I continue on. Big mistake.

As I get next to the scene, I’m flagged down by 1 policeman and several firefighters. Running laws/rules/whatever quickly through my head to determine what faux pas I’ve made – I come up with NADA. But I stop. The cop comes up to my car and waits for me to roll down the window (which I can’t because it’s broken, so I open the car door so we can chat).

Let me give you a quick rundown on “the scene” before I continue:
(1) a car has run into the side of a parked vehicle
(2) one firetruck with “whirling” lights
(3) no ambulance – there might’ve been one earlier, although the accident seemed pretty minor damage-wise and
(4) no less than 6 firefighters just standing around – which struck me as “odd”.

The douchebag cop gets in my face and starts yelling at me for “speeding”. I’m sorry, 2mph over the speed limit doesn’t constitute “speeding” in my book; besides, those who know me KNOW I don’t speed. I’m also behind the wheel of a little GEO Metro. Hel-lo? I figure he’s having a bad day. Maybe hasn’t been laid. Maybe needs a drink. Who knows? He continues his diatribe and closes with: “You may want to get your speedometer fixed”.

I’m thinking “and you may want to get your head examined” but sometimes you just gotta let people rant at you – especially when they have the power to beat you up, put you in handcuffs – I’m not talking ’bout the fur-lined ones either – then cart you off to jail.

*credit goes to Nadir D’Priest in The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years

July 4, 2016

So, there’s a page I’m currently working on entitled ‘Voyeur’. Thinking about what content to include, I go searching the ‘net using the keyword “voyeurism”. As you can imagine, lotsa stuff pops up. Narrow my search to movies and find “top 10”, “top 25” etc. movies with a voyeuristic theme – some of which I will include in the page.

But I see that some of the movies on these lists could also be considered surveillance-themed. Hmm…so I perform the same search using “surveillance”. Guess what I found?

The same movies were featured on both types of listings – and on Wikipedia: List of films featuring surveillance.

voyeurism
n. the practice of being a voyeur

voyeur
n. a person who gains sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked
or engaged in sexual activity; a person who enjoys seeing the pain or distress
of others

Now compare:

surveillance
n. the act of carefully watching someone or something

Lotsa gray areas…makes you wonder about the kind of people being recruited to “surveil” us…

June 28, 2016

“After” parties. I’ve never enjoyed them. I understand why bands play host to them: “decompress time”, but I still find them dull. For the most part, the musicians themselves aren’t the problem – it’s the dysfunctional “peripherals” who bore me to tears.

bore
v. make someone feel weary by tedious talk or dullness

The practice studio was huge and very cool, but I wish they had played their own music instead of whateveritwastheywerespinning. I resorted to watching Kid Rock videos on the flatscreen near the bar.

resort (to)
v. the action of turning to and adopting a course of action, especially an undesirable one,
so as to resolve a difficult situation

It was here that I became the object of one individual’s attention. He was playing so many mind games that I was actually amused by the situation – which relieved my boredom for a little while – until he became “sad” (?!?!) and walked off…I took this opportunity to make my escape…

games
n. manipulate (a situation), typically in a way that is unfair or unscrupulous
n. activity engaged in for diversion or amusement

sad
adj. pathetically inadequate

but first I had to use the ladies’ room. Two of us (ladies) in line while the clock tick-tocked. Finally the bathroom door opens and out come two guys, one of whom remarks that they were “sucking each other’s dicks/cocks” as they strode past us. Hmmm…methinks that was a lame, not-so-clever attempt at diverting us from mentally running through the (short)list of things they probably WERE doing behind that door (yawn – like I care).

lame
adj. (of an explanation or excuse) unconvincingly feeble

But I had more pressing issues to attend to and I was next-in-line!! While otherwise engaged in normal body functions, I looked at the time (YIKES!) AND noticed a sizable run in my hose (YE GODS!) – a definite sign the night was over!

I asked one of the bandmates if he’d call Über for me (flip-phones and apps don’t play well together) – another first!

You know what else? Except for Hairstrike’s gig earlier that evening (Hairstrike unrelated to the present situation), the nicest part of this whole “after party” was the conversation I had with Über driver, Chris, as he drove me back to my car.

Ended the night on a significantly high note with a long bubble bath – just what the doctor ordered to help clean off the layer of filth clinging to my body – and crawled into bed with Diego purring next to me. Heaven.

June 6, 2016

Most people don’t know that in another life I was a Web Developer. Back in the early days of the internet, people were creating some truly beautiful and extraordinary art online.

That it evolved into the trite and mundane entity it is today was inevitable…

One woman’s art became my inspiration and the sole reason I became interested in creating digital content:  Auriea Harvey

Her website is still online – with most of the content intact. I challenge you to find any other site that compares to its haunting beauty and soulful depth:

>> Entropy 8

April 2, 2016

The Ritz, downtown San Jose

Metalachi‘s on stage. I see an empty place at the bar, so my girlfriend and I occupy it. This guy’s at the bar. Latino, nice-looking, but very clean-cut. Does the obligatory “Can I buy you a drink?” I gracefully decline, but does this dude let it go? No. He has to start pushing. I’m politely declining. He then uses the most offensive line ever: “You like me. I know you like me.”

To you gentlemen out there: Over the centuries politeness has been bred into women. For most of us, we’d die before offending someone – especially men.

And he knew this , which is why he pulled it out of his hat – nothing else was working for him. I wasn’t responding to his advances. (You’d think my being dressed in 80’s-style metal-studded clothing would be a BIG CLUE that he was not anywhere near my type…moron)

I’m happy to report that I answered the question honestly: “No, I don’t. You’re not my type. I only date long-haired rockers.” Finally, he left – in a fit! He was PISSED because his manipulations didn’t work on me.

Amazing. If I have one piece of advice for all men out there, it’s this: “Don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer.”