I hear them before the sky begins to lighten. “My Bird” (as I called it before identifying it as a robin) is always the first to announce the day. The songbird’s equivalent of a rooster, I suppose. Today he – because only male robins sing – is not close but his powerful song echoes through the neighborhood.
Yesterday, after researching songs of the backyard birds here in the Silicon Valley (TOTALLY forgetting it was World Bird Migration Day. What a happy sychronicity.), I can more distinctly tell the difference between bird calls. Before it was either “My Bird” (the robin) or “crow” or “woodpecker”. Everyone else sounded the same to me. Now I can hear their unique differences.
Downstairs Ramses is stationed at the back door being “Pancake Puss” (aka “Flat Cat”), intently watching one squirrel foraging for the cracked corn the birds have jettisoned from the feeder. Another squirrel sits on the fence watching the other, calculating its next move. Kitty TV. LIVE from dawn to dusk.
de-de-de-de-de (very fast)
or maybe it's
- with the last tweet somewhat warbled
I’ve made an identification!! It’s a Bewick’s Wren.
It’s going to be very warm today. California is already declaring a drought and an early fire season is upon us. We had very little rainfall this last winter. I am keeping a watchful eye on my water consumption. Where before I would have allowed the water run while rinsing dishes, I now turn it off and on, as needed.
Ramses just mosied up to our bedroom, whined at me twice, then disappeared down the stairs. Does he want me to follow him? Has Timmy fallen down the well? OK, I’ll just grab my coffee mug (the one with photos of PR-12) and go downstairs…OOPS, too late. He’s back and into the bathroom for a quick nosh.
New Moon today and I’m asking The Universe for help with my fearfulness. No, that’s not quite right. More a FEAR OF LOSS. I think it stems from losing Diego, losing myself, and almost losing those I love. Now that I have a new, crazy little fur-baby in my life and have relocated back home, I SHOULD feel at peace. But I’m not quite there. Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy and grateful for this life and all the wonderfulness it holds, but I cannot seems to slough off this heavy blanket of sorrow. Perhaps I feel like I haven’t “found” myself again, yet. I need a nudge in the right direction. Something to Kickstart My Heart, as it were.
Putting my dilemma and question to the cards, “How do I get over my deep – and seemingly irrational – fear of loss?”, I pulled the Prince of Scepters (Knight of Wands).
He is the quintessential Seeker Archetype, this knight. The Seeker Archetype is one of searching – searching for a place in the world, an identity, a sense of belonging, something better. The Prince of Scepters is ruled by Jupiter (the planet of expansion and luck) in Sagittarius – a strong placement as Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter – and is filled with a joy for life, creative energy, passion, and spontaneity. He is also heroic and idealistic.
In this instance it’s quite obvious that the energy of this card is badly needed right now. This hero knight would feel the fear, yet take action anyway.
Let go of fear, embrace change, and move toward joy.
– Lessons from a Feline Master Teacher
Intellectually I know all this already. Putting it into practice is a whole ‘nother ballgame. I’ve recently been shielding myself on a daily basis and this HAS helped keep negativity at bay – both within and without. I give thanks everyday for the bounty that is my life. But last night was a tough one. Nights seem to be the roughest. Perhaps I was overly tired? Perhaps I have too much time on my hands?
“I once heard an artist say that when a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some.” 
Is this what I’m doing? We humans are so COMPLICATED but just how much of this is contrived out of boredom, guilt, shame, anxiety, or other psychological issues? And what about emotional “triggers”, which are anything (memories, experiences, events, etc.) that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood. Certain triggers I’ve learned to avoid but what about the ones that I actively seek out, like the spate of books about cats I’ve been reading? They are all heartwarming AND heart-breaking. They leave me wracked with emotion and tears. I am aware much of this turmoil stems from my guilt over Diego’s brain tumor and the part I played in keeping us too long in that toxic environment up North. But then I reach over and pet Ramses and tearfully whisper “I’m so happy you’re in my life.” The sweet, comical, little bozo that is Prince Ramses XII brings so much joy to this household. I cannot imagine him NOT being here; and if Diego had remained healthy would I have adopted Ramses, bringing two amazing felines back home with me? Or am I just afraid of losing everything I’ve just reclaimed? What would the Prince of Scepters do? Hell, what would Ramses do!?!
I think I have much work ahead of me…